Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Page 27 (Gas Tragedy)

I had almost forgotten abt the blog but recently I found a few abusive comments, asking me to write more. Although I had planned to quit but the comments made me feel I shall give a try again. This 'short' page is dedicated to that anonymous lad who abused me because of the long break. (Sorry, I can’t publish the comment as it won't be good to read ;) ) It is after a long time that I have written a page on my blog. I apologize if it comes out too boring for you :)

So the first semester was over. As soon as I reached the campus I had to get on with the registration process as I was already late. As soon as I entered the computer centre (the venue for registration) I approached my branch’s desk and the HOD was given the job to distribute the grade sheet and all the rest crap. I wondered .. why?? Why has the job of distributing Grade sheet being given to the HOD?? Sir, is this why you did your Ph.D??

I reached the desk. The old fellow asked- “What’s ur name and ID no.??”

I told him my name and ID no.

HOD-“Oh.. yes yes, Mr.Khan, I remember”

Khan??? Now where did that come from??

I-“Sir, it’s not Khan.. It’s Sharan”

C (name changed, he was no more the HOD for me and I hope some of you would understand what C stands for, Anyways)

C-“Oh, it’s the same thing”

I was getting sick. I wanted to ask just one thing—“Abe tu *****ya hai kya be??”

C-“Yes here it is, let me have a look. Hmm… what is this D,D,D,D,C,B??.. I don’t even have these many Ds in my Ph.”D” …”

So .. shall I laugh now?? Is the joke over?? Shall I proceed?? Or you wanna crack some more??

And there he continued…

C-“But exactly the same number of Bs as there in my “B”.Sc, haha”

I never thought of suicide before but it was just a matter of one more same level joke and a suicide thought would flash for sure.

Finally, another 5 point someone was born. I was not sad about it at all. Infact I felt as if I have achieved something. I mean.. people buy books to read about life of 5 pointers.. and I am one now.

I took the grade sheet and moved over for making my lecture time table on one of the computers. Sat and started with my work just when a foul smell knocked my nostrils. I paused or rather I was forced to pause. I realized it was coming from a guy sitting right next to me. My head started to turn towards the right with the slowest possible angular velocity. What I feared came true, I was sitting beside.. let me name him.. hmm.. Vagagbu. So this Vagagbu had a strange quality. He can drive you away without speaking a word. Action speaks louder than words, but when it comes to Vagagbu, his body odour ROARS.

Salient features:

1)He is a bloody, intelligent, f**king smelling 9 pointer.

2)Desperate to get a girl. (**and NOT a girlfriend)

3)You cannot have a bath in the bathroom in which he has taken a shower a few hours ago.

4)He can solely be responsible for another Gas Tragedy in India.

5)Worse—Sometimes leaves the bathroom door open while taking a shower. (Poor female bathroom cleaners who once witnessed something close to death)

I jumped off to another desktop in a flash. Vagagbu saw me doing this and asked-“What happened yaar, did u see a snake or what??

I(terrified)—“Something worse ”.

I continued with my work. Within a few minutes, a girl came and sat on the system beside. She was in my section for the past semester.

Next post soon.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

The blog is not dead

Well I am extremely sorry for leaving my blog so suddenly. Acads has take a toll over me so I had to restrict myself. As writing for me is not just a half an hour thing. I think about a page for about a few days and then go for it. Hope to give my followers a few more pages this summer vacation.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Page 26

So finally the first semester got over. Time to get back to the best place in the world.. "home". Travelling with friends is always wonderful. I had a few of my friends who accompanied me in my journey to New Delhi.Firstly, Amit, by now we started calling him by his surname "Dhanda". (Reason for this was quite weird--> we felt "dhanda" had more gravity, don't ask what gravity means here but it's a phrase used by us frequently).Next,there was Siddharth Teotia, the only Siddharth in this world whose nick-name is not SID but "Teotia". Don't form a notion that we friends call each other by our surnames... its just that if your surname is more interesting than your initial name, your surname will be given the priority. Lokesh was also there with us. He is in Comp Sci. And.. hmm.. lemme see what I can highlight about him. oh well, he scored 120 out of 120 in chemistry in BITSAT 20 08. But the semester has been horrible for him as well. Devavrata was there for half of the journey as he had to change trains midway. The journey was a memorable one. Great fun!!

Reached home..great relief. Great food, met friends back home, to add more, I love the winter season and Goa never sees winter, sadly.So all in all it was a very good feeling of being back home and I know many of us feel the same way everytime.
One fine evening, My dad's colleagues came to meet him. I received them at the door and was bombarded with questions like
How was the semester??
How many examinations have you given so far in college?
And how were the results?? Did you top in exams??
I wondered why all these questions only?? Why can't they ask How is Goan weather? or How many friends (if not girl friends) have you made so far in college??
Anyways I gave all answers as diplomatically as possible.
Colleague 1- "So what percentage of marks did u secure this semester?"
I - " We don't get it as percentage, we get grades like A, B ,C... in each subject"
Colleague 2 - "Ok,ok so how were your grades??"
I-" I got 4 Ds 1 C and 1 B."
Colleague- "So, what does it mean?"
I-" Uncle, it's like if you get grade A, then it means Outstanding performance, B means Excellent, C signifies Very Good, D means Good.. oh and E means Exposed."
Colleague 1-" So you are good in most of the subjects and excellent and very good in the remaining ones. How many students get A grade?"
I-" Very rare uncle, last time someone got an A was in the year 2007. It is very difficult to get an A"
Colleague 2- "Oh!! then it means you amongst the best."
I-"Oh yes uncle.. almost, So how is your son doing?"
Colleague 2-"He is doing great, He got admission in Maharan Pratap XXX College of XXX and XXX Advanced Engineering Technology and Development"
I said to myself-- what was that??
I-"Where is that??"
Colleague 2 - " You don't know, It is a very famous college on the outskirts of Hyderabad"
I-"Oh!! yeah yeah.. it's a very big college, very nice uncle very nice, I shall take your leave now. I have some work".
That sounded less like a college and more like a Non Governmental Organisation.

Soon the holidays got over. Time to get back to college. The second best place in the world. I returned all alone so it was a bit boring. However it is always great to see how different people travel with different mindset and confusion. Here are a few incidence that made me say -- What the F***...
1) Two people quarelling over a berth.
Man 1- "Its my birth, show me your ticket"
Man 2 showed him the ticket, I verified, it was the corect ticket for the correct seat and date. But still Man 1 was in no mood to remove his a** off that berth. He kept insisting that it was his berth no matter what. After 30 minutes when the Ticket Checker came he verified and told Man 1.. Sir your seat number is not 30, your ticket has Wait list number 30.

I-" WHAT THE F***"
That guy was crazy.

2) The same problem over the seat but this time it was between a Man and a Woman. When the ticket checker arrived. He said -" Sir your seat number is 45 and mam your age is 45"
Why can't they look into their tickets carefully before starting such a huge commotion. Its funny and irritating both at the same time.

But anyways it was great getting back to college...
rest coming up..

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Page 25

After thinking a lot about Kyousnac ,I came to the conclusion that her Intelligence 'Quotient' was way too high. If a girl like her becomes my girlfriend then I would probably lose myself (Because it was highly improbable that she would lose interest in studies and gain it towards me). Or well, may be my marks would reach a new low and I might just enter the state of depression. I clarified to myself and came to the conclusion that I was looking for a girlfriend and not someone who can blow up my confidence level. And therefore I announced it officially to myself--> Kyousnac is out. It was quite a perfect time when I threw her out of my life. Infact the word 'threw' is a bit indecent so I should rather say that .. It was quite a perfect time when I KICKED her out of my life. That's decency redefined. I said that it was the perfect time because the comprehensive examinations (abridged as compre in my college) were about to begin. The two mid terms were troublesome, and in compre the syllabus for each subject gets tripled compared to the mid terms. So if a mid term was an atom bomb, compre was a triatom bomb. Nevetheless, my preparation was of the same magnitude as if I was preparing for some mid term. I was about to screw up my compre, and worst part was that I KNEW IT,BUT I WAS NOT ABLE TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. By the time I realised that it was COMPRE, It had already started. Like always I had spent last few days in the library gazing into books (intentionally) and into couples (unintentionally).

The trouble with Compre was that , people (like me) have to sit for 3 hours and not 1 hour as in case of mid term. Now an hour is easy to pass but three hours seems like something looooooong. May be I should say it was some 10800 seconds, that might just make u feel it was indeed long.

College exams are different from the competitive ones or the school exams.In school.. we used to sleep at 11 PM the night before exams,had breakfast in the morning, said best of luck to our mates etc etc. In college this is what happened--> I slept at around 4 in the morning, somehow got up in time so forget about breakfast. And best of luck???? What's that? We just know here that luck doesn't work much, and most of us (my type) are likely to get f**ked. So we just say best of F**K to each other.

December 08,2008

It was thermodynamics. The subject which I felt was the toughest and therefore I was probably

the least prepared. I was not worried for the marks that I would get, but the question was HOW WILL I PASS THE THREE HOURS??? To pass time I was thinking about useless stuffs, starting with what should I do in the vacations? Number of students in the classroom,number of females in the classroom, then took out the ratio of boys to that girls and multiplied by total number of possible classrooms with such numbers. Trust me it was a great time pass, and more importantly no one got to know that I was doing such crap, I used to make specific facial expressions that made the invigilator feel that I am thinking about the thermodynamic state of water. I looked around and saw people looking into their answer papers as if they know each and every answer and they just want to write every damn thing. The next I glanced at the wall clock. the seconds hand was so slow that it made me think if that was the minutes' hand. Damn it.. who says 'Time flies'. It doesn't , at times it is stuck at the same point. I read the questions a few more times thinking something might just click at any second, and a formula might just flash in front of my eyes and I get a solution but no. It all seemed like a fairy tale. I managed this disaster and passed the three hours of torture. If I was Avg-15 in 1st mid term and Avg-10 in 2nd then proportionally I should get Avg-25 in the compre but I was wrong here as well.. I got Avg-30. And most of the papers were quite similar when it came to score with respect to average. Result --> The semester was not so happening. No girlfriend and GPA.... well GPA was messed up big time. thank god they made a subject called engineering graphics which I felt was easier that increased my Grade Point Average. But I was quite dissappointed with my performance but then I can't stay dissapointed for long. I decided next semester.. GF and GPA both has to be there!!!

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Page 24.. (The Dude)

Well that night I had decided that I will start working hard an start studying.. On the bed just before sleeping..I motivated myself by talking to "Flint"..
I said to myself.. "Its high time now.. I should start working hard right from tomorrow morning..Nothing is over.. remember.. A new day brings a new ray of light,new sunshine,new hopes.. and I said good night to myself"

The other morning
November 21,2008
Time 8.00 AM
Unpleasant noise entering my ears.. that unpleasant noise was thought to be an alarm and therefore I reacted by looking for the "snooze" button.. I pressed it thrice but it didn't stop and therefore I realised that it was not an alarm..it was a knock on the door. I was so fast asleep that I was not able to distinguish clearly between an alarm clock and a door knock. Anyways it was my friend Devavrata asking me to get ready for class.. I had my resolution flashing in front of my eyes and the promises I made to myself last night were forbidding me from having a nap again.. I replied to Devavrata.."I'll take a while..You better leave and I'll follow.."
I turned around .... suddenly the promises and resolutions vanished. My Bed and Pillow overpowered them... I just felt like the bed was my sweet Wife asking me to get back down...and how can I ignore her... Consequence---> Slept for 2 more hours.

I got up finally,said to myself.. "OK,that's enough. attend some clases now.. remember, A new day brings a new ray of light,new sunshine,new hopes.." I looked through the window.. and God had some other plans.. It was CLOUDY.. No sunshine ..no new ray.. nothing. As if God was saying it clearly to me.. "Flint.. Son.. Don't lose your identity, There's no use spending hours in textbooks if your aim is to have a girlfriend"

I heard it.. and I always follow what god says to me. I thought I would not change myself. However the semester end exams, known as comprehensive examination in my college, was about to begin in 10 days time and I forcefully started studying.
The other day I was sitting in the library. The exams were from the 1st of December. I decided that I should concentrate but something was continuously disturbing. You can obviously guess what it could be. . yeah!! A girl.But this time she was with a guy. A guy who we i.e. , my friends call “DUDE”.
You have to fulfil some eligibility criteria if u want to be a dude
1)You should be in Rock club of the college
2) You should know how to bang your head when rock music is played. (long hair is ultracool)
3)Talk in English.. (even if you are shitting in your pants,even if you have just woken up,even if you are crying,in joy,sorrow etc etc)
4)Use of the word “f*ck” wherever possible.
The last point is an essential one.The ‘dudes’ use it everytime.
They can use it when they are glad-->"F*CK yaar... I made it to Harvard"
They can use it when they are sad-->"F*CK yaar... I failed to make it to Harvard"
They can use it when they are shocked-->"F*CK yaar... How is it possible that India lost to Kenya?"
They can use it when they are surprised-->"F*CK yaar...How can India win the world cup?"
They can also use it when they are actually fucked-->"F*CK yaar ..... I am f**ked"
Infact many of my friends feel like they lack the "basic" common sense as well. Here's an incidence
I was sitting in nescafe having maggi one evening. A DUDE came and took a seat on the same table as there was no seat available anywhere else. We had a casual chat for the first 5 minutes. After that he asked a question,
Dude-"So which field are you intereted in??"
Dude-"What's that?"
I-(trying to explain it as simply as possible)"It is the study of life outside earth"
Dude-"What the fuck man!! That's a lol topic of interest dude.Everyone knows that there's no life outside earth,therefore astrobiology finishes up in one chapter" and then started laughing his a** off.
I thought of asking him a very appropriate question.
Do you have a brain missing inside since your childhood or was there some sort of mishap during your teenage?? but I kept my cool.
I-"How can you say that being an engineer?? We as engineers are responsible for making stuffs that normal people can't think of easily. What's your branch by the way?? (I asked him this in order to give him some example regarding any research in that field if possible)
Dude-"M.sc(tech) Information Systems"
Now I was laughing my a** off. I got the answer. He was able to say that because he was not going to be an engineer.
I-"All right, Now I think its going to be a waste of time if I start explaining about Astrobiology. You better have your maggi.And I'll leave"
Dude-"Oh yeah.. byee dude"
That was one more point, they call every other guy as "dude".
To summarize, a small piece of differentiation
If a normal guy says--" saale, apni zabaan band kar"
Dude says--" Dude,Shut the fuck up"

Anyways enough of the flashback.. I changed my table and sat on another one. Next post within a week.Topic "my college mates".
This page is dedicated to Amitabh Mishra who played a major role in publicising this blog.

And for the Dudes,and Msc tech ppl-- "NO HARD FEELINGS"

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Page 23

Nov. 20,2008
The semester was about to finish. Ten days and then there was the big one. Those who generally wait for it they call it examination. But people like me-->we call it "Rapism Redifined". Its quite a common reply from a few students after every exam. Infact the two cases are as follows:
Student 1-"Oye how was your paper??"
Student 2-"It was ok yaar,I was confused about the 1st question and there was some miscalculation done in the 4th question but it was pretty decent."

Student 1-"Oye how was your paper??"
Student 2(my type)-"RAPE"

It was just that in my case, intensity of rape varied. Extreme,Moderate,Mild. Anyways, we got our answer sheet.. my marks were not so poor. And this time I was not lowest in thermodynamics. Yes I too study. And I can say that because I had above average marks in Mathematics.
For the paper distribution of Chemistry we had assembled in the classroom..Kyousnac was also there. She sat just behind the chair I was sitting.
I-"So how were your papers?"
Kyousnac-"Don't know..lets see."
The Prof called out my name and I collected my paper. I came back to my seat but only to face the embarassing question from Kyousnac
Kyousnac-"So how much did you get??"
I-"Half of the average marks"
Soon she got her paper. I knew she would probably get decent marks. I didn't want to ask her but then I thought I should.
I(with a smile that can depict appreciation and f*uck you expression at the same time).-"So how much did you get?? I bet you must be twice above the average marks."
Kyousnac-"No, actually thrice..I got 60"
I-"Oh!! That's bad..How can you miss 15 marks??"
Kyousnac-"Very funny"
Was that funny?? Because I never smiled and I was not trying to make her smile either.
On my way back to my hostel room.. I just imagined the hypothetical situation where I was expressing my feelings for her.
Lets check out how would a girl like Kyousnac respond..

I-"hey Kyousnac I have been trying to tell this little thing to you for quite sometime but today I really want to confess it---I have a crush on you .......(long pause).....can we date each other for sometime?"
the responses:
1)Kyousnac-" Are you crazy,We should concentrate on studies"
(Oh I didn't know that)
2)Kyousnac-"I can't believe you can ever say that to me..I mean we are just 18-19 years old"
(So what is the eligible age defined by Indian government to have a crush?)
3)Kyousnac-"Stop this nonsense, Do you even have any idea what Schrodinger's wave equation is??"
(Was Schrodinger a brother of Valentine??)

Well I was thinking is she the right kind of a girl for a my kind of a guy. The answer was an obvious NO, but at the same time I thought of the solution as well.Work hard,study well,get marks in double digits in fact well more than that..and yeah learn Schrodinger's wave equation!! That might just help.
I planned .. yes that's the only way to get a girl friend in this campus. I have to study....

next page in no time.... please keep following. was down with Jaundice that led to the delay.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Page coming soon..... Was diagnosed with jaundice... started the work again. Sorry for the delay.